How to Not Get a Job (or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cave Bear)

I come to you now, hat in hands, offering a repeat entreaty. Do you seek employees? I seek employment. Maybe my people can talk to your people...

If you can use someone who knows music, then I can be of service to you. I know movies pretty well, but music is definitely my strength. I'm the worst kind of addict. I not only love and devour music, but I also make it. There's this never ending quest to surround myself with music in my life and work. Something about working in a place that sells CDs appeals to me, but I can't put my finger on exactly what.

My flexible is schedule (?). As things stand, I have a full time job and am looking to scale back and rearrange it in favor of doing something new. Specifically, pushing pertinent music on an unsuspecting town (seditious!). See, I'm the last survivor of a strange breed: the compassionate music snob. I can turn people onto The Good Stuff without making them feel inferior. We were nearly hunted to extinction in the '80s, and if you're nice I'll tell you my secret identity.

I've been told, when I've applied before, that you'll want to know my top five movies and albums. This is hard. I had the toughest time limiting to five (and couldn't always trim my list down), but here's what I came up with.

Sights:

Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

City of God

City of God (again)

Godzilla vs. Gigan

the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

2001: A Space Odyssey/Dr Strangelove (tie)

Sounds:

Red Sparowes: Every Red Heart.../At the Soundless Dawn (tie)

Tom Waits: Frank's Wild Years

Pearl Jam: Yield

Liars: Drum's Not Dead

Gifts From Enola: Loyal Eyes Betrayed the Mind

I left out some choice music. Maserati, Explosions in the Sky, Sleater-Kinney, Godspeed! You Black Emperor, Mogwai, Lake Trout, the Black Angels...

***

Anyway...

I'm reliable, honest, and hard working. I learn fast and can defy gravity at will. I invented the telephone, the fax machine, and the helicopter. These facts-or any others-can be confirmed or denied by _________, who knows me pretty well.

So I can tell I need to close this bizarre diatribe before it collapses under its own weight. Please let me know if you can use me!

With clarity of intention of cleanliness of shirt...

-HS